I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
