One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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