careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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