tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
