I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
