I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
