I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize