How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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