Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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