wanna go halves on a baby?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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