she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
