when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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