So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
