so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Randomize
