I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
