FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
