I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize