i permit you to call me
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
