Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
