I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize