I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
