She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
