it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
