I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
