You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
