dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
