I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
