Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
