Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
