and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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