There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
