people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
