I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
