dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
