I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
