I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
