I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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