you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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