I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
