I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
