I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize