How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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