so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
