oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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