i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize