This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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