I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i believe in u and ur pee
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
