just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
