If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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