the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
