oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
