The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
