i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My vagina is officially offended.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
