Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
