ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
