see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
