just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
