i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
