There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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