im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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