After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
