My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
