god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
