I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
