you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
