we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
