Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize