She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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