they're like a gay fantastic four
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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