i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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