he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
